Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would
rather be an emasculated, infantile complaind. This note should be pretty
easy to understand. All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the
years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involved with
independence and the embracement of your community has been proven to be
very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well as creating
music, along with really writing something for too many years now. I feel
guilty beyond words about these things, for example when we're backstage and
the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins. It doesn't affect
me in the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love and relish
in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire
and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, anyone of you. It simply isn't fair
to you, or to me. The worst crime I could think of would be to pull people
off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun. Sometimes I feel
as though I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage.
I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe
me, I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I, and we, have
affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the narcists
who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive, I need
to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm. But, what's sad is
our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much better appreciation of
all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still
can't get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody.
There is good in all of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that
it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive unappreciative
pisces Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I have a godess
of a wife who sweats ambition and empadny, and a doughter who reminds me
to much of what I use to be. full of love and joy, [?] every person she meet
because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to
the point to where I can barely function. I cant stand the thought of Frances
becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrocker she become. I have it
good, very good, and I'm grateful. But since the age of seven, I've become
hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for
people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and feel
for people too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseous
stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much
of a neurotic(erratic) moody person and I don't have the passion anymore,
so remember, it's better to burn out, than fade away.
Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
please keep going Courtney
for Frances
for her life which will be so much happier
without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!
